Friday, December 16, 2011

Ready To Start Living Again

Anne’s school semester ended today. My school semester ended last Monday. My tech writing job ends on Wednesday.

I am so ready to start living again.

Tomorrow is Anne’s birthday party (six days after her actual birthday), and I have no clue what I’m getting her. The extent of the planning I’ve done has been to order a cake because I knew I wouldn’t have time to bake one. I never even got around to inviting anyone outside of a few family members who would have understood if I’d had to cancel at the last minute.

Of course, I'll be working at the tech writing job in the morning. The house is a wreck, so I'm hoping the Hubster will be able to get it cleaned while I'm at the office. At some point, I need to go get some balloons. (Anne calls them "bloons." She loves "bloons.") And I need to get some crusty bread. And a birthday present, which I’ll need to wrap, of course. And I’m supposed to make soup, too. All of this at some point between work and the party.

I’m seriously having one of those “I-suck-as-a-mom” moments—moments that I’ve had entirely too often in the two years I’ve been a mom.

Anne was sick this morning, so I stayed home with her. At one point, we were watching Elmo, and she patted my leg. “Thank you, Mommy,” she said.

“For what, Miss Anne?”

“Mommy stay home. I like Mommy home. Thank you, Mommy.”

She’s the greatest kid. I suck as a mom, but she doesn’t know it yet. Hopefully I’ll be a better mom by the time she can tell.

Starting Thursday, I’ll be a “stay-at-home-mom” for two weeks. After that, it’s back to school as an adjunct instructor. And no more technical writing. I’ve resigned from that job. I think my corporate career is really over this time. There are actually a lot of things I love about the corporate life, and things I love about that job in particular, but I'm relieved that it's almost over. I don't think I could take another season of stress and long hours and time away from thing people and things I love.

Things I love ... ah, writing. And piano. Running. Listening to music. Living.

Yes, I’m ready to start living again.


Carrie Scharf said...

No you don't suck as a mom!! but I understand the feeling :) and the one about the long hours too. When Nathan said he didn't get to see his daughters first steps that's when I knew. I hope her birthday is great!!

Karen Somers said...

You know I feel the same way about myself. I have been in the same boat with you, and I'm so glad you found a way out. I, too, have had a small break. I have actually been working one day less per week, and it has made a huge difference in stress level. I'm still not a perfect mom, but at least I get to see my kids a bit each day. Well, kudos to you for making it through such a hard time in life and coming out with a great attitude and new lease!

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