How's that for a blog title: Life Downside Up.
Yes, upsidedownlife.blogspot.com, lifeupsidedown.blogspot.com, and downsideuplife.blogspot.com were taken, mostly by people who, apparently, posted once before moving on to other things. Which left me with lifedownsideup.blogspot.com. Which is kind of neat because, if you say the words backwards, you get "Upside-Down Life." Which is what my life feels like these days. It only makes sense that my blog title says it backwards.
Why have I moved? I basically destroyed my old blog, A Sort of Notebook. Kept a few of the most popular posts, deleted all the rest. I probably shouldn't have done that, but I did. It wasn't an impulsive thing, either; I'd been wanting to delete 90% of my 2,000+ posts for months. So I did, and it's done. I checked with Blogger, and the posts are not retrievable. I did save them in a file; you can probably find them on the internet if you google hard enough.
For a while, I've felt the need for a clean slate (or something like that). My enthusiasm for "A Sort of Notebook" started to wane back in 2006 or so. I kept posting, but the posts felt dead to me. Really, they were little more than boring "updates on my life" for the few people who were still reading along.
Some bloggers are fine with such things (and I certainly read and enjoy blogs by some of those people), but I wasn't.
One blogger I admire writes about making a mission statement for a blog. I've thought about that. And I'm thinking about it still. Because "A Sort of Notebook" kind of lost its mission after I left my cubicle job in Asheville. In many ways, its mission was to share my thoughts on composers, piano lessons, poetry, and life in general, and to do so as a way of counteracting my on-the-job boredom. (I literally had no work to do most of the time, or if I did do work, it was generally on a version of the software that the programmer, without telling me, had updated by the time my documentation was ready, rendering all my weeks of work a waste of time. These are the two main reasons I eventually resigned, despite the lucrative paycheck.)
I went on to a year of teaching, and then a year of recovering from the wreck I had become while teaching, and then into my always-busy current job, which requires many long hours, particulary in the fall. Oh, and I became a mom. So many of the things I used to blog about--music, composers, piano lessons and playing, poetry, etc.--are not even a part of my life anymore because I don't have time or energy to practice, research, read, reflect, or even listen.
Yes, in case you were wondering, depression has become an issue. I wonder why ...
I could write about motherhood, but, to be honest, I really don't want to write about motherhood.
To be able to write, I must have things to write about, and I must have the time (and energy) to process my thoughts about them, and I must have the time (and energy) to actually do the writing. For the past year, I've been missing at least two of those three things. So I haven't written.
But I need to write.
So, this is a clean slate. I'm going to start thinking about a mission, and if I want to take the route of actually writing one out. I'm going to do as my counselor recommended and try to write for a half-hour every night. And I'll try to blog once a week. If I can blog more, I will, but I'm not going to put any expectations on myself.
I have a lot to share and am praying that doors of time will open up for me, and that, when they do, I'll have the energy to put pen to paper and reflect on things I can later share with you here.