The Need to Write, Even If It's Rambling Garbage

It's New Year's Eve. Since December 12, the day my daughter was born, I've written approximately one and a half pages in my journal, three thank-you notes, a couple of notes in Anne's baby book, some lame blog entries, a few half-finished grocery lists, and a smattering of ten-words-or-less status updates on Facebook.

It hasn't been a good month for writing. Heck, it hasn't been a good year for writing.

Still, I need to write. I need to write like I need to breathe. When I go this long without writing, I start to feel like I'm suffocating mentally--can't think straight, can't make decisions, can't speak intelligently.

The sleep deprivation of the last few weeks hasn't helped much either.

What kinds of things have I wanted to write? Nothing deep, I'm afraid. I'm simply not in a season of deep thinking, creativity, or intellectual curiosity. My reading materials have strayed little from pregnancy and baby-care books. My goals right now are to be a good mom and to make the most of my maternity leave, cuddling and snuggling with Baby Anne as much as possible. Other goals include getting a daily shower, brushing my teeth sometime before dinner, and remembering to pee.

Here are some things I've been thinking:

- The sleep deprivation that comes with having a newborn is nothing compared to the insomnia that comes with depression and stress.

- I have a beautiful baby. (I know, I should be more modest. But she's just so beautiful ...)

- I'm trying not to think about work, and the day I have to go back. I love being at home with my baby.

- Everyone showered me with unsolicited advice when I was pregnant. It was incredibly annoying, and much of it was either wrong or didn't apply to me. Next time I meet a pregnant person, I'm going to remain happily silent unless I'm specifically asked for advice.

- To those who said I'd get stretch marks: Ha! I didn't get a single one!

- To those who think they have the world's greatest husband: Sorry. You're wrong. The Hubster is the world's greatest. I feel very lucky and blessed to have him, especially at 3 a.m. when he comes into the baby's room after I've fed Anne and offers to rock her to sleep for me.

- I'm already a little tired of the unsolicited baby-care advice.

- I try to "sleep when the baby sleeps," but Anne seems to have an internal monitor that tells her when I'm trying to sleep because she always manages to wake up just as I'm drifting off. By the time I finally give up trying to sleep, she conks out.

- I have a beautiful baby. Oh, did I mention that already?

- Anne's doctor had nice things to say about her, such as: "This is the least jaundiced baby I've ever seen!" "This is one of the most alert babies (at 3 days old) I've met." "She's gained almost a pound and a half in two weeks! I don't know if I've ever seen such phenomenal weight gain!"

- Anne loves Bach, and she loves to hear me play the piano.

- Anne also loves "Hush Little Baby, Don't Say a Word." I'm getting really sick of singing that song, but I guess I'll keep singing it for a few more years.

- We're calling her Anne (not Annie, and not Scout ... though we do refer to her as Scout from time to time, and it'll probably be her trail name for now). Just one look at her intent little eyes, her thoughtful little brow, her serious little mouth, and you realize that she's an "Anne."

- Anne loves to be sung to. I mostly sing "Bible School" songs (Seek Ye First, Jesus Loves Me, etc.) to her, because they're simple and I know all the words to them. I think it's so sweet that she likes to hear me sing. She may be the only person in existence who does. Poor, misguided kid. :)

- I have no idea what's going on in the world, at least in the world of news and politics. I haven't read or watched the news in weeks. All I know about the outside world right now are that (1) a lot of people are getting snow; (2) my friend Jammie J's husband is going to be on a float in the Rose parade; and (3) LSU plays Saturday afternoon, and Ohio plays after the LSU game. I know, pretty pathetic.

- I haven't read another person's blog in a long, long time.

So, those are just a few thoughts and things I'd like to share. Life is good, very good, right now. I'm as happy as I've ever been. So is the Hubster.


Kim said…
Sounds like motherhood is agreeing with you! I love to hear moms say how much they love being with their babies.

The unsolicited childcare advice will not stop. Wait until she gets to be a teenager; it comes thick and fast. My sister-in-law once said, "People who give unsolicited advice about raising your children should generally be ignored."

God gave her to you, so I'm sure He'll give you what you need to bring her up just fine :)
The Dahmens said…
I am so glad your blogs are back - I missed them! And I love hearing about baby Anne! There is nothing in the world like motherhood.

May you and your family have peace, joy and love in 2010.
Ms. George said…
A Blessed New Year to you three!
Rhonda said…
She wants to hear your voice because you are her Mommy. Babies just love their mommies voice even if it is the most atrocious sound in the world.

OK, some unsolicited advice... ;)

If at all possible, think about being a Stay at Home Mom. My husband and I did some adjusting of our budget and tightened up a bit and took the plunge. I never regretted it. When it came time for me to go back to work when my daughter was 6 weeks old, there was no way I was going to turn this precious little angel over to someone else, to see her first smile, to hear her first laugh, to say her first words, to see her first steps. Now 5 years later, I've never regretted a second of it.

Congratulations on your blessing from God, and enjoy every minute! They grow up so fast!
Jammie J. said…
Sometimes we just don't have deep thoughts, sometimes our thoughts are about simple things. That's OK, you know. Weird for us deep introvert types, but OK. Enjoy it, even though it's weird.

Also, the only advice I have to give is enjoy your baby. Staying present, in the moment, is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Don't worry or fret about going back to work. Not right now. Also, enjoy your husband. You have created a little family and that is how it should be. (hugs)

Also, the Rose Parade was incredible. I'm working on a post about it, complete with pictures and videos. Hope to be done soon, but got distracted by seeing you had updated.

noonie said…
I'll just expand on one of your aims... remember to pee before you settle down to feed. I always used to forget, peeing with baby attached is not possible. Maybe if God gave us an extra set of arms with each baby...

And my hubby was like that, in fact he was so good at it that when I was completely exhausted he figured out how to latch on baby, let her feed then rock her to sleep without waking me...

Enjoy the cuddles... and Congratulations. She is beautiful.

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