Friday, August 7, 2009

Week 23



Just want everyone’s been waiting for … yet another baby update!

As I said to some friends yesterday, I think Scout finally got the “GROW” memo, now that we’re well over five months along. The last couple of weeks haven’t been the most comfortable of my pregnancy, particularly with the pain from round ligament stretching. On a scale of 1 to 10, the most severe of the round ligament pain has rated about an 8.5. (I know, I know ... I'm a wimp, and I’m sure the experience of childbirth will necessitate some scale recalibration.)

Anyway, the round ligament pain has been accompanied by general nausea and the usual fatigue. I’ve also felt a little depressed—sometimes a lot depressed—but I think that may be more of a result of missing my Hubster.

In some ways, pregnancy feels very lonely. Weird, but I’d have to say that loneliness has been the overriding emotion of this whole pregnancy. It’s not loneliness for company—Lord knows I’ve had enough company this summer. And I have a great family, good friends, a very supportive circle of co-workers, and a whole cheering squad on Facebook, but still … in the end, it’s really just me and Scout. Scout and I. When I’m lying in bed at night, trying to go to sleep, I’m alone with Scout. When I go on my walks, I’m alone with Scout.

I guess in some people this “alone with baby” time produces a feeling of closeness, of bonding. I suppose it’s doing that with me. I definitely feel like I love Little Scout, to the point of tears if I let myself think too much about it. But mostly I just feel lost and uncertain ... with a real sense of trepidation. I try to imagine how my life is going to change, but it’s kind of like watching a suspenseful movie and having my hands covering my eyes, trying to garner up the courage to peek between my fingers. I just can’t do it for long, no matter how tantalizing.

I think “reality” will set in more next week, when Hubster is finally home from his three-month, work-enforced sabbatical from domestic life. We’re going baby & registry shopping two weekends from now (he has a work obligation next weekend … grrr). And we’ll start setting up the baby’s room. Maybe the reality will set in then.

Or maybe it won’t. It will have to at some point. Everything just feels foreign right now, like I’ve been inadvertently dropped off at a train station I never knew was there before. I feel like I have no bearings, no sense of direction. No sense of purpose, even. I’m just drifting along, reading my baby books, living my life, waiting for this drastic change to happen, trusting (blindly, it feels like) that this is God’s plan and that I’ll somehow find myself equipped to handle whatever challenges lie ahead.

Anyway, here are some of the highlights of Scout’s progress for last week and the coming week:

- Starting to make antibodies
- Kicking strongly enough that Dad (were he here) would be able to feel it. It still just feels like fluttering to me, though.
- Heartbeat is getting stronger
- Lungs are developing and alveoli are forming
- Hand grip and startle reflexes have developed

Scout is about 11½ inches tall and weighs about a pound (apparently, about the weight of a Harry Potter book).

Here’s where we are if we think of this pregnancy as a southbound AT hike:



Yep, we’ve made it to Shenandoah National Park. I think Scout and I will stop at Big Meadows for some ice cream. We deserve it. Or at least Scout does.

3 comments:

Miz Delphi Chassis said...

It's funny you talk of scale recalibration. During my labor, as it progressed and the nurses asked where I was on the pain scale I would say "You know how I said last time that I was at an 8? Well, I think that was really a 5 because now I'm at an 8." :)

Joan said...

I can't say (actually I did say) I felt I was not bonding with my first child while I was pregnant then it was instant bonding at birth. Every mom-to-be is different. There is no right or wrong way to feel or act.

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

A baby the weight of a Harry Potter book--now there's an interesting comparison!