Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Fun with Horror-Scopes

(This is also posted to my other blog.)

Yesterday on, I found a section on horror-scopes (as my friend Belch calls them). Here's what their astrological "experts" say about what our little Scout be like:


Your Sagittarius son or daughter is a born adventurer. For Sagittarius children, life is all about experience. They want to zoom out into the world and gobble it up whole.

If your baby Sagittarius gets into all kinds of trouble before he can even walk, don't be surprised! Sagittarius children like to explore well past the boundaries set for them by their parents.

Learning and understanding are your Sagittarius child's primary needs, and as his parent, you can help him by making his life as fun, varied, and stimulating as possible. Family vacations will be a favorite, as will long, rambling adventures outdoors and rousing games of hide-and-seek in the backyard.

Your Sagittarius child is naturally athletic and will need to work off excess energy doing things that are playful and physical. Let him join the soccer or swim team, or take him along on your weekend hikes.

His mind needs plenty of stimulation, too, so provide your Sagittarius child with lots of books to read and documentary DVDs to watch, and take him to museums, zoos, and art galleries as often as possible. Indulge his need for freedom and engage him in far-flung discussions, noticing his universal outlook.

And finally, Sagittarius children tend to be bright, exuberant, optimistic, and outgoing, which means they have a wide circle of friends. Don't expect your Sag child's birthday parties to be small, intimate affairs -- there are just too many people who love being around this kid!

Hmm, Scout sounds like an ideal child. Something tells me that every "child prediction" of our astrologers sounds like an ideal child.

Anyway, here's what Hubster and I will be like as parents:


You won't let others dictate to you how to best parent your children. You're confident in your natural ability and high ideals to carry you through without much input from others. And truthfully, between the two of you, you've got the talent and skill to pull it off. (You bet we do! Ha!)

The Aquarius mom
(that's me!) or dad has some radical ideas about childrearing -- the more progressive, the better! Use technology to keep in touch with your kids, and encourage them to have an active social life with friends of all sorts. One word of caution: Don't be too detached. Express your love physically and verbally.

The Pisces parent (that's my Hubster!) is a gentle soul. You have a strong emotional and intuitive connection with your kids, and you encourage their creative and artistic expression (but I want to do that, too!). Your sensitivity and compassion helps you be open and understanding when they confide in you, which they will surely do.

Obviously Hubster is the Pisces and I'm the Aquarius. Of course, reading this, the Pisces sure sounds like me.

(See, I wanted to be a Pisces. I was due February 15, but I wouldn't come out, no sirree, because I was waiting for February 19 or 20. But then they went and induced labor before that, and I was born an Aquarius. So here I am.)

According to our experts, here's how I'll get along with our little Saggitarian Scout:

A CHILDHOOD WELL-LIVED (I sure hope so!)

Your Sagittarius child is an adventurer at heart. You've always been quite independent yourself, and your little Sagittarius admires her unique, freethinking parent. This carefree child is happy to follow your lead, and it's rare that you keep her at home for quiet time. No, your idea of a childhood well-lived includes lots of trips to the science museum and the library, the zoo and the neighborhood pool -- anyplace where people have gathered and your little one can learn something about what it is to be human. Spirited little Sagittarius loves these outings.

This child has a basic need to learn everything she can about the world in which she lives. Your fundamental parental theory is perfect for your little one, who thrives on the freedom you afford her. Her mind expands with the ideas and friends you take such care to present.

Ah, just what our family needs, another adventurer. (Yay!) But I would never force my kid to socialize at the neighborhood pool. Other people's kids pee in those places!

Here's how Hubster will get along with Scout:

A COUPLE OF WANDERERS (Are you laughing yet?)

Your Sagittarius child keeps you busy, that's for sure! This adventurous, playful child is always on the go. Even when she's still in diapers, it can be a challenge to keep up with her. You love your little one's innate curiosity about the world, and you have no problem letting her explore its boundaries. You're a somewhat free-form, permissive parent, and you give little Sagittarius the freedom she needs to roam.

Of course, neither of you is much for details, so the day-to-day tasks of parenting -- getting your child to school on time, serving regular meals, establishing a routine for bedtime -- can be a bit of a stretch for you. Let's hope there's someone else in your lives to provide a practical, grounding influence for you and your little Sagittarius. Otherwise, your instinct is to wander through your imagination while your child wanders the world.

Oh, great. I guess that means I'll have to be the "practical, grounding influence." That is a very scary thought.

Now, the forecast for our little cousins-to-be, Scout the Saggitarius and Ella the Scorpio, isn't so good:


Your Sagittarius child is openhearted and trusting. Not so his Scorpio cousin, who doesn't trust anyone easily, not even family. These two are so different they may not play together much. They just don't have a lot in common, and besides, adventurous Sagittarius spends as much time away from home as possible.

When these two are in close quarters, it's easy for crafty Scorpio to manipulate her Sagittarius cousin, and while Sagittarius will go along with it for a while, battles will result at some point. Scorpio just doesn't understand Sagittarius's happy-go-lucky personality or his broad interests. Scorpio is much more emotionally intense and interested in psychological issues.

The good news is, both children are sharply intelligent in their own ways. With Scorpio's devotion to her loved ones and Sagittarius's ability to forgive and forget, these two are sure to become closer as they get older.

(I tested the astrological predictor by seeing how Aquarian me would get along with my parents ... and it was totally wrong, until I tested it with me as a Pisces. Then it was exactly right. Hmmm ....)

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