So I start to jump, but then he says, "Whoops, not that hoop. This hoop. Over here."
So I try to get a running start and am just taking flight, when ...
"Oh, wait. It's the first hoop. Here, I'll move it for you so it's closer."
"Thank you," I say meekly, stumbling over my own feet and I head back for the first hoop. I jump ... and trip over the hoop. I'm so tired from jumping through hoops that I apparently do not have the energy to jump through any more.
The lender laughs. "But there are still more hoops! The next one is ... at your bank! An hour away!"
(Horserace music begins.)
"Hurry! Go to the bank! Get there before they close and put all the hoops away!"
I start running. I run and run and run. Then ...
"Just kidding! The hoop is really over here. I promise, this is the very last hoop! Really!"
I jump. I sail through. Before I land, I see another hoop. It's too far away ... no way will I be able to clear it on this jump.
"Just one more hoop!" says the lender. "Just one more! You can do it!"
Can anyone guess what I'd like to do with those stupid hoops?
Update: I just talked to the lender. Guess what he said.
"Remember that bank hoop? You need to jump through it! Hurry! Hurry! Go! Go! Go!"
"Um," I say, "The bank closes at 5:00. It's 4:45 right now. The bank is 30 minutes away. There's no way. And it doesn't open until 9:00 tomorrow."
So I'm sitting here in my cubicle and I can't stop crying. I hate this.
Update #2: The lender has called back. There will be a hoop waiting for me at 9:00 tomorrow. We're going to close tomorrow afternoon ... supposedly.
Update #3: So I stopped by the realtor on the way home and he got to see me cry. And wail. And stamp my foot. Then I came home.
Hubster said I am cute when I'm angry. If that's the case, must be an absolute knockout today.
Update #4: The Next Day: I'm probably not as cute as I was yesterday, but I must still be pretty darn cute.
Yesterday afternoon, the lender said, "I know of a bank that has a hoop you can jump through. It's on your way from your old house to Work Village!"
I replied, "But that hoop may not work for me. I don't have an account at that bank."
Realtor says, "Oh, it will work for you. Believe me. I've talked to the person who will help you. She'll be expecting you."
So I shrugged
This morning I showed up at said bank, looking for hoops. The lady holding the hoop was very nice, only she said ...
"Sure, you can jump through this hoop. But see, you have to jump through these other hoops first. Your lender said you were planning to jump through these other hoops. But I can't give you the big hoop until you've made it through all these others."
"But ..." I said, "Why can't I just go to my bank? I have an account there. They won't make me jump through all the pre-hoops."
"Oh, you should go to your own bank," said the Nice Hoop Lady. "Why did you come here anyway?"
"Because Lender said you had a special hoop just for me, and that you would hold my hand as I jumped through it."
"Well, I would ... but there are all these other ..."
"OK," I said. "Thank you."
So I went to my bank. They held the hoop down nice and low and I skipped right through it. It only took a half-hour.
I'm sure there are a million more hoops to jump through. My legs are getting tired. I hope this thing gets "squared away" (as my father would say) this afternoon as planned.
Update #5: Nope. Not today. I think I have reached untold levels of cuteness. I may even be cuter than the Hideaway Cat by now. I never dreamed it possible.
Update #6: I just asked the Hubster if I would ever be as cute as Hideaway. He said "no, never." Oh well. I tried!