My home has long been home to a hateful vine. I have been battling this vine for five years now. I have dug, hacked, pulled, and lopped at this vine. I have even (gasp!) Rounded Up this vine. But it has no fear. It is an indestructible vine. It comes back with a vengeance, every time.
It nearly pulled down a large tree. It pulled down several shrubs. It is a hateful, hateful vine. It is a wicked, evil vine.
Slowly, year after year, I have fought the vine. And I have weakened it. I have never defeated it, but it had at least ceased to strangle small plants. Its leaves were browning and frayed, thanks to frequent sprayings with (gasp!) Roundup. So I really hadn't thought about the vine in a while.
Recently I gave away all of our firewood. What was left was a nice little stretch of land next to our driveway. "What a nice little stretch of land!" I thought. "It's perfect for a little flower garden! And I can hide the ugly fence!"
So I went to the garden place and bought lots of flowers and some plants for the garden. My plan was to spend Memorial Day weekend sprucing up that spot.
So I took Charlie, my tiller, and began to till the soil. That's when I hit ... the vine. The hateful, vengeful vine. And it wasn't just the vine; it was the vine's woody stump.
Make that two. The vine had two woody stumps. That I could find.
Charlie Tiller was thrown aside. In came the big guns: Saul Shovel, Lucabrasi Lopper, Willie Wood-splitter, and even Portia Pickaxe. I picked up Clytemnestra Clippers for good measure.
It was a valiant battle. The hideous vine fought with everything it had. But I refused to give up. I gave blood, sweat, and tears (just ask my mom) to the effort.
In fact, as I took a break to sit on the deck and boo-hoo that no big, strong Hubster was here to help me, the Hubster himself called to tell me what a beautiful day it was as he climbed a mountain and looked over the Mojave Desert. I was very proud of myself that I did not throw the cell phone across the yard.
After a couple of hours, I managed to wrench both vine-trunks from the ground. Success!
I tried in vain to hold both vine stumps up for my victory photo, as if they were fish I had caught, but the bigger one was too heavy.
But I whupped 'em both. I'm planting my garden tomorrow. (You can see the bed in the background. I had already filled in the holes by the time I took the photo.)