Work hours, icy sidewalks, and early closing times on the part of fitness centers (grr) have all conspired to deprive me of my miles this week. That, combined with the extroverted nature of my job of late, found me in a place of uncommon depression last night. I say "uncommon" because depression isn't something that has visited me much since I started the happy pill+running combination back in the fall of 2006.
Things were not good last night. I was tired, and frustrated, and my head was stopped up, which made me even deafer than usual. I wasn't communicating well with the callers, and I was feeling sorry for myself. I was feeling like I couldn't do anything right. I was really feeling a sense of inadequacy--after all, I may be something of an expert in the art of writing, but I am decidedly not an expert in the business of this software. I could sense my more learned co-workers getting annoyed. I could almost hear them thinking, "When is that idiot of a grammarian ever going to learn to handle a support call on her own?"
I cried in the car on my way home. When I got home, I cried to the Hubster. Then I checked my work e-mail. More things that stressed me. More tears.
"What can I do for you?" Hubster asked. "What would help you to get through the rest of this week?"
"I just need to run," I sobbed. "I haven't run since Tuesday. I've been sitting all cooped up in that cubicle, and I've barely moved in three days."
"So go run tomorrow."
"I can't!" I wailed. "I have to work 10 hours."
"So take a long lunch break, and run then."
"But I can't!" I wailed. "We're working shifts, and it wouldn't be fair for me to take a long lunch break when no one else can."
"But you're different."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes," said Honest Hubster, who has seen me at my inertia-induced, sleep-deprived worst (and wishes never to see me there again). "You are. You need to run."
So I e-mailed my boss and asked her if I could take a long lunch break so I could go running.
She wrote back. She said it depended on the volume of calls, but she understood my need to run, and that I could run if things weren't too busy when my lunch hour came.
Things weren't too busy. I ran four miles for miles at lunch.
I feel like my old self again.
I have an awesome boss. I have an awesome Hubster, too.