Three Today

Three classes were canceled today, two for nonacademic reasons, and one because of a field trip that wasn't announced until recently.

I was so disgusted and frustrated that I left. Just like that. OK, so I made sure there was a substitute and wrote assignments and left work for my last two classes before I left. But I left.

Dear readers, you must understand that I'm generally a flexible person. Very flexible. Laid-back. Easy-going. Intense in my passion for life, but pretty non-intense in my dealings with other people. Type-B personality, all the way. But the past year of my life has done something really ugly to me--both on the inside and the outside.

After I left school two hours before I was supposed to, I went to the gym to work out, but I could only do 20 minutes on the treadmill. I thought I was going to fall asleep--had no energy at all. (I'm normally the Energizer Bunny when it comes to aerobic exercise, but lately I've been this tired.) So I went to the locker room to get my stuff to leave. I walked past a mirror that I didn't realize was a mirror and, for a split second, was disturbed at the face I saw--tired, looking twenty or more years older than me, skin pale, hair flat and tired-looking, and circles under the eyes so dark that it almost looked like some sort of Halloween mask.

After just a second or so, I realized that it was my reflection.

And at some point I realized that I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe the feeling will pass. But something in me snapped today.

I'm going to go take a long walk. I have no lesson planning to do tonight because I've already done it all. I'll just have the same classes tomorrow that I was planning to have today.