Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Corn Pone Uncertainties

--WARNING--Very self-centered, me-me-me post to follow.
If you have the patience to read it,
I would appreciate any advice you may have.

It's after midnight. I can't sleep. I'm having misgivings about the Corn Pone job.

Here are the pros:

1. I will get paid. The salary, small as it is, will cover my health insurance, buy me a few cups of coffee per week at my coffee shop where I do my writing, and help assuage the guilt I feel at not being a salaried family member.

2. The people who work at the Corn Pone Cafe' seem really nice, and I think it will be a fun (if sometimes stressful) place to work.

3. I can write humorous blog posts about the life as a hostess at the Corn Pone. (I was kind of looking forward to that.)

Here are the cons:

1. I will be giving up all weekends (including holiday weekends), and 4-5 evenings per week for something that is barely over minimum wage, and that for maybe 4-8 hours per shift. Giving up evenings means backing out on commitments I've made previously for volunteering with the Literacy Council, the Arts Council's Piano Committee, my church, and the Boy Scouts.

2. My quality time with the Hubster is in the evenings. For the first time in our married life, I'm actually making dinner every single night, and am loving it. So is he. It has been wonderful for our marriage. By taking this job, I'll be ending that brief period of evening quality-time happiness.

3. My stomach is all tight when I think about the job. Generally this is an intuition thing that overrules all opposing reasoning.

4. Even a part-time job is going to eat into my pursuit of freelance-writing opportunities.

5. My time with my family will be severely limited. (My parents are in Carolina for the summer, vacationing, being semi-retired, and helping Sis get ready for her wedding.)

If I call the cafe' tomorrow and say, "Look, Mrs. Pone, I talked it over with my husband, and it's not going to work out. I'm really sorry," then my stomach won't be all tight anymore. But then I'll feel very guilty about not bringing in any income, other than my little freelancing pittance.

If I quit before I ever even start, then money for my health insurance and coffee will have to come out of the Hubster's salary. When I was in Cubicle Land, I was actually pulling in half (or a little more) of our combined salaries. So we're already having to live on less than 50% of what we're used to. If I don't have some kind of income, then I will be overwhelmed with guilt because I feel a need to "earn my keep." I know that's silly. But we do have bills, like everyone else. One good thing about "quitting" would be that I would have more opportunities to pursue freelance work, even tutoring kids or editing business documents.

Hubster thinks I will end up resenting the Corn Pone job because it pays so little and takes me away from so many things that are important to me: Hubster, freelance writing, volunteering, and family (my folks are in North Carolina for the summer). At the same time, he won't flat-out tell me he doesn't think I should keep the job. I want him to tell me what to do, because I don't know what to do.

That's why I'm writing it all down here. You folks are objective observers. Any opinions?

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