Today is Supposed to be Music Theory Day

But it's not. Due to a scheduling snafu with a member of the medical profession, I won't be going to Music Theory today. Sadness.

Oh well, it's not like I was ready for it. This past week has been a disaster for music-related pursuits. The Depression Cloud descended on me several weeks ago, so I'm constantly overcome with fatigue and mostly sleeping when I get home. Last night I went to bed at 6 p.m. (ten minutes after arriving home from work) and slept hard till 6:30 this morning. This state of mind has not been conducive to creative pursuits, to say the least.

So now I'm sitting in Cubicle Land and can barely keep my eyes open. Luckily, my work for today involves picking things out of an existing document and creating several new, smaller documents from it. Not the most brain-challenging thing in the world, and that's what I need for now.

A druther: I just really wish I could stay home and focus solely on music and writing. It is very frustrating, feeling like those are what I am "meant" to do in my life, but then having to fit them in around a Real Job at which I'm not particularly suited. Then, with the Depression (which partly springs from the fact that I have little time for creative pursuits), I can't even stay awake when I finally do get time to write or work on music. Or else I'm just so overcome with an unavoidable and irrational self-loathing that I can't focus on the finer, skill-related aspects of writing and music. That cloud has descended and I can't see through the fog to save my life.

For people who don't understand Depression (and I capitalize it to distinguish clinical depression from "the blues" that everyone gets from time to time), this will probably sound like so much whining. For people who do understand it ... well, you probably know how I feel.

Oh well. Next week I'll probably be full of energy. It goes like that--up, down, up, down, up, down. Kind of like a roller coaster. It would be nice to get off of it every now and then and let someone else ride, you know?

Meanwhile, I'll get to work and listen to my beloved, bewigged, and bejowled one. His music never fails to uplift my spirit.

(Sorry for the dark personal flavor of this post. I know I usually don't post this kind of stuff. Will try to add more interesting things later!)


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