I am really sad today. Depressed-sad. I hate when this happens. Fortunately, it doesn't happen often, thanks to advances in the pharmaceutical industry. But every now and then I slip into the ditch. Perhaps I'm crashing from the giddy happiness of the past few weeks. I think it's something deeper than that, but I always do when I get like this.
Part of it relates to something wholly outside of myself--the whole Presidential-election smugliness. Seems like we Americans have sunk to a new low. The terrorists are enjoying all of the pissy hatred, I'm sure. Perhaps their ideology is winning after all. They really don't need to attack us anymore; we're rotting from the inside out.
I really want to go back to grad school and think deep thoughts and write philosophical things that college professors lecture on for centuries after I am dead. Not the most realistic dream, I know, but I tend to dream of doing larger-than-life things. But I can only aspire to that if our country enjoys the kind of freedom we've been enjoying for my entire life--the only kind of leisure-allowing freedom that I've ever known. And, in my depressed state today, I'm scared that freedom's gonna go up in smoke, perhaps literally, in the near future. Maybe it already has.
I really should not listen to Rachmaninoff first thing in the morning. It makes me melancholy.