Thursday, October 14, 2004

Giddy

Someone must have put happy pills in my coffee this morning. Hubbie? I will probably end up deleting this because I feel drunk with joy, and once the gold slips back to green, I'll realize I've posted something too personal. But I want to share this right now.



As I drove to work this morning, listening to the glory and miracle of Bach's Wachet Auf Cantata, watching the sun rise over the mountains, I slipped into a state of bliss. I know that sounds silly, but "bliss" is the word that describes how I felt. I became overwhelmed with thankfulness for The Way Things Are Right Now, This Very Moment. See, I have been protected and cared for since the moment I was conceived. I was kept safe, guided to my family that adopted me, and shielded from all sorts of bad things in my teens, twenties, and early thirties. With my depressive episodes and my adventurous spirit, I really shouldn't be alive today. I've done some stupid things in my life. Risky things. I've had at least three self-induced brushes with death that I can think of. Weeks have dragged into months where I just wanted to be dead. Depression is an insidious soul-killer, and I have struggled with it for more than half my life.



But here I am. And I am so unbelievably thankful for my life today. I am so thankful that Sherry was pro-life. She could have aborted me but chose not to. It wasn't even a choice ... abortion wasn't an option. Oh, she could have had one, easily, even though it was 1969 and Roe v. Wade hadn't happened yet. Abortion doctors were abundant, and they were more than willing to "terminate the pregnancy" for her. But morally, for Sherry, it wasn't an option. I was a living thing, inconvenient as I may have been for a 17-year-old high-school student, and she wasn't going to deny me the life she'd given me.



And even though it was perhaps the hardest thing she'd ever do, she gave me up because she wanted me to have chance at life. She wanted me to have opportunities that she hadn't had, and that she wasn't in a position to give me at the time. She wanted to give me those opportunities, those chances for a good life ... and she did. By giving me up, she gave me all of that, and much, much more.



Thank you, Sherry. My family and husband thank you, too. My cats probably would, too, if they could talk. :)



There is so much bad in the world. It's dizzying, if you think about it--terrorism, war, racism, abortion, murder, poverty, disease. All the stuff that's going on now, here, in Iraq, in Sudan, in places the news never tells us about. But then there are things like Bach's music, sunrises, and the selfless love of family--adopted and otherwise--that sure do make the bad things more bearable. And it's not that I'm ignoring the bad things. The beauty of the good things, the real miracles that surround us, just remind me that there is more than what we see here, that there is a light within us to counteract the darkness without.



1 John 1:5: This then is the message which we have heard of Him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.

6 comments:

  1. Hi,

    just saw your blog on a list of recent posts at blogger.com and thought that I'd say 'hi'. I, too, have an odd thing for notebooks so much so that I've learned to make my own. I also make ink, do calligraphy, etc.

    Do you make your own books sometimes?

    -Tomcat
    http://www.brotherthomas.com/tomcat/blogger.html

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  2. Hi. Thank you for sharing. Somehow, this thought came to my mind after I have read your sharing: Perhaps those difficult moments that had passed are meant to make the joyful moments more blissful. For without those, there isn't any basis of comparison to fully appreciate bliss. Whatever that has happened has a purpose in making us grow and develop? Just my two cents worth. I'd still need more years ahead to fully appreciate what life has to offer.
    Anyway, warm wishes to you.

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  3. Oceanskies, you hit the nail on the head. I had that realization when I was thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail several years ago. The tough times have been hell, but they make the good times so much sweeter.

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  4. Hey, your drunkness, I'm happy to have you too.

    Love, Cousin Stacey

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  5. A lot of people thought I was heartless for "giving away my own baby" yet supported abortion. I never did, and never will, understand that concept.

    Keep being blissful hon!!!!

    Sherry

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  6. Tomcat--No, I've never made my own notebooks. I buy them. When I go on a notebook shopping trip, I spend a good half-hour picking out the one I want. It's silly, I know. Glad to hear there are other notebook people out there!

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